Banana Hammock

Every now and then life will just go perfectly. The birds sing, squirrels from Sleeping Beauty come out to cook you bacon, and angels descend from freshly parted clouds followed by a warm trickle of sunlight to kiss your cheek and tell you, “Hey, you have a nice face. Here’s a bag of Skittles.”

Then there's times like when you find out about your living situation at a school you are paying $80,000 a year to go to. The birds silence their song to drop turd, the squirrels put down the bacon and go after your nuts, and that wonderful fruit-flavored confection bearing angel comes back like:

Remember that from the previous post? Well I actually DID match with few cool sounding (for the time being) people. I get my notice in the email that all the arrangements are made and check over the details... What? Who the heck are these people?! I didn't match with these fools! So naturally, I click on their "roommate profile" and scope them out. Who knows, maybe they are some cool dudes.

Nope.

NOPE.

The first guy describes himself as an "incredible athlete" and active guy, giving an entire list of things he is "active" about. That list is one item long. That one item is... badminton. There are only a select group of people that can call badminton a sport, and that group is all above the age of 85, have multiple joint replacements, and are legally blind. When you are 20 something and calling it a sport you are an "incredible athlete" at, you better be playing with grenades. However, I have a feeling there is a severe lack of explosions in this man's sport. Now, I'm all for playing badminton. In fact, I think it's pretty darn fun. But calling it something that involves feathers a sport and judging my athletic prowess by seeing how well I can punish a geriatric "risk taker"? Nope. I mean it's bad enough there is curling in the Olympics. If we call badminton a sport, we will have to start calling chess a sport, and then Wheel of Fortune. It's just going down hill here people. He also describes himself as fastidious yet easy going. First off, who the crap uses that word? Second, you are either anal-retentive (I refuse to use that other word) or you are easy going, not both at the same time, unless you have some personality disorder. So, I have a narcissistic bi-polar geriatric hater that uses a thesaurus as one of my roommates. Great.

Next guy: He has no information written. So naturally, I creep him out on Facebook. WORST. MISTAKE. EVER. I will not sleep this night. It is this image that compelled me to even write this post. If I have to suffer SO DO YOU. I hope to GOD this isn't the guy I'm rooming with. But its the same name and under job it says "student" so there is a good possibility. Heck, 1% possibility is too much of a possibility when his profile picture is THIS:

***So I removed the picture cuz it was just straight up disturbing. The description just may be even more so, but at least that is all in your minds eye instead of your real ones. It was a rather large man in red bikini like underwear hugging a girl that decided to place her hand on said his red bikini clad junk. Boom. Now go stab your minds eye out.

COMMENCE MY REACTION:

NO PLEASE GOD NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! For the love of all that is holy... I promise I'll stop cheating at Uno. I'll help the elderly cross the street. I will take back everything I just said about the other roommate! Sweet Eight Pound, Six Ounce, Newborn Baby Jesus in your little manger, lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors... Please do not let this man be the actual guy I'm rooming with. LOOK HOW MANY TIMES I HAD TO CENSOR THAT PICTURE!

After griping about something as silly as badminton... this happens. Badminton is a sport! I take it back! Badminton can be art for all I care! I believe you oh Best Incredible Athlete of the much respected and highly regarded sport that is Badminton. You can use whatever words you want! Here, I bought you a thesaurus to go with your crazy words.

Saying I feel foolish whining about someone's word choice and athletic preferences would be an understatement. The moment my retinas were accosted by that unhallowed and irrevential image (I used a thesaurus for that one), BAM! LESSON LEARNED.

One good thing about starting this blog is that it helps me remove myself from situations and take on a 3rd person view. It gives me a more humorous and lighthearted approach to otherwise irritating, or sometimes optically unnerving, happenings. And after that image... I need all the help I can get. This doesn't mean I'm not going to hope Mr. Banana Hammock isn't actually my roommate. But if he is, get ready for some good blogging. We can play games like "Try to Keep Eye Contact" and "How Fast Can I Get to My Room and Lock the Door" and "Guess That Shape".

Okay maybe not that last one. Definitely not that last one.

Phillippians 2:14 "Do everything without grumbling or arguing"   (easier said than done in my case)

Luke 6:37  “Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;

John 7:25 "Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.”